Surrendering dreams in the face of love is a great act of courage that so many mothers can deeply relate to. The version of ourselves that we tend to and nurture prior to motherhood is one that is often ambitious, with dreams and goals for our lives that include having children and raising them consciously and intentionally while simultaneously fulfilling our sense of passion, purpose, and dharma. Many of us often identify as high-achieving, goal-oriented, and big dreamers, seeing ourselves as capable of doing it all. As we make the transition into motherhood, many moms report feeling a sense of loss of identity, autonomy, and grief over losing their sense of self. Our work shifts, and in the face of love for our children and our growing family, we often ungraciously surrender the dreams we once had and the identities we once cherished.
The Motherhood Identity Shift: Honoring Grief and Embracing Growth
As I support mothers on their journey into and through motherhood, I am reminded of the same lessons I had to learn. Learning how to reconnect with yourself after motherhood changes everything is a journey of surrender—of trusting that our dreams will unfold into what they are meant to be when they are meant to be. This concept goes against society’s pressure of doing it all. The hustle culture, the mom-boss vibes, the lie that we can do it all and do it all 100%. The reality is, something gets sacrificed along the way, and it usually starts with our mental health and well-being, then lives in the land of mom guilt and feeling the "failure" of not meeting expectations at work, and then typically ends in some dramatic shift or change to our lifestyles to adjust out of pure need to survive.
I am writing this from the perspective of someone who has been there, done that, got the gold medal, and had to come back and pick up the pieces of a broken self. I am writing this from the perspective of a therapist and coach who supports mothers in doing the same. I am writing this from the perspective of a woman who is becoming more and more comfortable in leaning into my divine feminine energy—to flow in aspects of motherhood and life that require me to romanticize my life, surrender control, and step into an aligned, intentional, and present version of me. The journey has not been graceful every step of the way, but it has been enlightening. I have come to the realization that it is going to look different than I thought it would be, and it’s going to grow into what it is meant to be.
A Ritual to Reconnect with Yourself After Motherhood Changes Everything
In a session with a client this morning, we created and performed a ritual to process, feel, release, and transmute grief tied to a loss of sense of self. Grieving past versions of oneself that were once top priority—driving dreams that have yet to come to fruition or feel out of reach—grieving the path towards a goal and the timelines connected to it. Honoring the grief of surrendering dreams in the face of love. Thanks to the flexibility of therapy via video sessions, my client took her phone out to her garden, wrote down each aspect of her grief she was surrendering on a piece of paper, held space to speak the grief and honor it with compassion, reflecting on the dreams connected to each one, then burned it into a bowl—witnessing the smoke bring the grief up to the sky, the heavens, the universe. Once all pieces of paper were honored and burned, she mixed wet soil into the ashes and amended her garden with her dreams, surrendering the dreams to Mother Earth, planting them like seeds to sprout and fruit in due time. Surrendering the path, timeline, and perspective of each dream so they may grow into what they are meant to be. Nourishing her new "garden of dreams."
I invite you to do the same. Pull out a piece of paper and write each aspect of self, dream of the past, and things you yearn for that feel they are not a part of this season of life but that you still desire. Honor each one, feeling them deeply and with compassion as you burn them and let the dreams float through the smoke to the energies of the world you believe in. Return to the ashes to water and amend your garden of dreams. This is how to reconnect with yourself after motherhood changes everything—by surrendering, by trusting, and by allowing yourself to evolve into the mother and woman you are meant to be.
Need Support on Your Journey? Let's Connect
If you’re struggling to reconnect with yourself after motherhood, know that you are not alone. As a therapist and coach, I specialize in supporting mothers in rediscovering their identity, finding balance, and stepping into their power with confidence and clarity. Whether you're navigating grief, seeking purpose, or simply yearning for a deeper sense of self, I am here to guide you.
Let’s work together to honor your journey, release guilt, and create a path forward that aligns with who you truly are. Reach out to me for therapy or coaching support—I’d love to walk this path with you.
Contact Me:
📱 [IG: @empower2heal]
<3 Dena
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